When one wakes up in the morning

One wakes up in the morning and immediately desires.

Desires coffee, desires to wash their face, desires to execute what they planned.

Desires.

And at the core of all these desires, there is the desire to continue existence.

It’s the desire that governs the entire system.

The desire upon which thousands of stories and narratives are woven, and in turn, create new desires that, if ever wiped away until the last one, will never create even the slightest change in that fundamental desire at their core, the desire to continue.

To continue what? And why?

And what is it, that wants so much to continue?

The stories and narratives that the world has created allow avoidance of facing these questions.

If there’s a story, one might not notice that there’s a question without an answer because the nature of stories is that they always come with answers.

A person wants to get education so they can find a job that provides money and status.

A person wants a romantic relationship so they can feel loved and become a “family person”.

All these are stories, narratives, from which desires sprout, enabling the noise, just in the right degree that won’t allow one to hear what exists in its absent.

And perhaps that’s what happens when I’m in a cloud. It’s a space in which it feels that an alien desire has control over me. A desire that doesn’t belong to me at all, the desire to keep this existence. It feels like a foreign entity has taken over me because, “me”, I don’t want anything at all.

The wave

And then it comes, The wave.I can’t function. Im gripping the meatal railing of the roller coaster tightly, the one that the attendant instructed us to hold just before activating the ride. Nothing changes, as if life has frozeen in a singular moment of fear. An endless free fall Thoughts

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Elephants

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was nine. She fought through three rounds of the disease until the last one, when she finally raised her hands in surrender, allowing it to consume her—slowly—until it carried her beyond existence. From my perspective, this timeline began when I was nine

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Being

Imagine a situation where being with yourself is an unbearable experience,but not as unbearable as being in the company of anyone else.It’s like being a fish allergic to water,or a leaf allergic to the tree,or a wave allergic to the sea,or a ray of sunlight allergic to the sky,or simply

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